So I’m finally going ahead with something I’ve wanted to do for a while, and it’s been a long time coming.
I’m doing a fan game of Kuroshitsuji, which is a supernatural mystery anime/manga. I’ll post updates here from time to time, probably a lot of them featuring my frustration about knowing nothing of substance when it comes to coding. I tried doing some other fan games for various franchises I like in the past, but I never had the drive and energy to finish them. I figure starting with a fan game is best, because it’ll give me the confidence and experience I need to finally work on my various original stories.
Omg idk how the fuck this thing works, but I’m really trying. I do prefer Unity a lot, but it pays to be a decent coder when you use it. This system claims you don’t need to be able to code, but I beg to differ. If you don’t want a seriously limited game in terms of user interaction and features, you kind of need to understand javascript?
Kind of weird that a show that’s so dark would bring out my fire, since I’m a very emotionally sensitive soul lol. But I think it kind of relates to me in some ways. Like, I went through a lot of shit in my childhood, and I’m still trying to process it. The themes in this show are very pertinent to what I’ve been through, since as a kid I had a really fucked up form of OCD called religious scrupulosity. It basically takes the most dangerous aspects of organized religion and uses them against you to like, torture yourself? You start to think you aint worth shit and it’s honestly pretty horrific.
The demon in this show loves cats… I love cats… so like, um… he’s cool.
This series is really heavily influenced by Christian theology. I mean, I know I talk about that religion a lot on here, but it’s because this is my space where I go to process all this shit and like, finally overcome a lot of trauma from my past? I have nothing against any particular religions and I’m really happy for people who practice them and are fulfilled by it. I am very wary of organized religion in general though, just because of how I’ve seen it can cause pain when bad people use it to take advantage of others.
But anyhow, this show is sort of fulfilling(?? I dont know the correct word I’m looking for) because the people who are generally seen as bad are the ones who are trying to hunt down and stop abusive groups from harming innocents. I mean, usually I really don’t agree with the kinds of ways that’s achieved but… its fiction lol. It’s just kind of interesting to me I guess because, the main character is someone who takes control of something terrifying and uses it to gain strength. That isn’t the whole story because it’s not so positive in the context of the series; I mean Ciel deals with a lot of trauma and the deal between him and Sebastian is painted as being sort of antagonistic. I dunno, as a kid I was terrified of demons and shit and my OCD… lol I was like “omg what if somehow I accidentally sell my soul??” Like even just being able to watch this show without being freaked the fuck out is good, because as a kid I would have been so triggered XD
The weird thing is, when I was a kid, I also felt this really strong pull to the occult, like it was a safe haven where I belonged. I had people in spirit who sincerely loved me so fucking much who were my only safety in a time when I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about my problems because I was so ashamed and embarrassed. Even my family did know. But my horrible fear of being like punished or despised by the very being that supposedly “made me” stopped me from being happy for *YEARS.* It was a lot like being abused, honestly. Hopefully this helps explain some of my anger towards the prevailing religious beliefs of this country. I’m just word vomiting it to get it out of my heart though lol.
Maybe this game is going to be pretty shit, but even the most talented in any field have to start off making shit, ok? Like, think about that next time you deny yourself opportunity because you think you aren’t good enough. Everyone starts off a student or an amateur. Nobody just is magically a superior mind in their field from the moment they begin! Even a prodigy has to have some kind of nurturing to pursue their talents. So I don’t wanna hear any of us keep saying we can’t. I’m all fired up lol. Of course, saying all this is easier than actually committing to it but…
Squid girl is another great anime. Watched that one back in like, 2013 or some shit idk XD I remember loving it at the time, so I say go check it out.
Listen, I got turned down for a job interview you don’t even need a degree for today and I was like “seriously?” I honestly think I’m being age discriminated against or something because it seems like the only places willing hire me are places where they don’t really value humanity? Like, I don’t wanna go to work and hurt people for a pay check, or be treated like shit myself. Is that so much to ask, idk? lol I worked in a call centre for about a month after graduation and it was soul crushing. I had to tell people who were trying so hard to improve their lives that there was nothing I could do to help them and then set them back on their path to success, even though they put in much dedication to get ahead. I don’t regret leaving that place. I DON’T agree with what they were doing.
This picture’s way better than the pic of a cubicle farm I almost put XD
Btw, this new release by N E R D is such a great album. I think we all got a lot of potential and people need to be more aware of their own power. Like, seriously, listen to these songs and take the lyrics to heart because they’re really important things to keep in mind. I don’t give a shit what bad stuff you think about yourself, that you aren’t talented, or “smart,” or you can’t do great things; you really owe yourself to treat yourself better. We all have something really special to offer and I’m not just talking bullshit. This world isn’t fair and a lot of us have extra struggles other people don’t have to deal with, but I dunno, I don’t want to see that trap and pull down good people who have so much going for them. Please keep fighting, even if it isn’t fair we have to fight.
Whole album is just spectacular, go check it out. But yeah, so hope y’all having a good day. Blessed be, my dudes! If you wanna support my project, please leave me a comment or a like, it would really be cool! I’ll keep trying my best to support all the good people working hard I encounter.
KirkeNet 